Questions Adopted Children Might Ask

As children get older, they tend to ask many questions. Their curiosity expands as their mind grows, and they want to know as much as they can about everything around them.

Adopted children that know of their adoptive origins tend to start asking questions about their past, or at least hint that they want to know more. Sometimes they are unsure of what to ask or how to word it, and other times they have questions that have been bugging them for a while. Below are three questions that parents might expect from their child:


“Can I meet my parents?”

This entirely depends on how the child was adopted – open or closed. If you had an open adoption, then the child could theoretically meet their parents, since open adoptions allow for contact. If you had a closed adoption, then the birth parent information is most likely not available.

Answering this question also depends on other factors. Are the birth parents alive? Are they available for discussion? Do you, the parent, think it is a good idea?

If possible, you could perhaps write a letter or send a drawing to the birth mother and keep some form of communication open. Since there are many scenarios and factors that determine communication between child and birth parent, you will have to use your best judgment when answering this question.


“Why did you pick me?”

Adoption is a strange topic and concept for children. Some might think that there is a list of kids and that you simply picked a name from it. They do not understand the adoption process just yet, so it is no surprise that they would ask questions about how adoption works.

You were given to us because the adoption agency knew we would be a wonderful fit and that we would both love each other very much.”

Showing the loving side of adoption will make the process seem beautiful instead of mechanical.


“Are they going to come back for me?”

Some children might be afraid that if one family let them go, another could do the same. It is an understandable fear, especially in younger children who know they are adopted. They know nothing about their birth family and perhaps dread the idea of having to go to them.

You are our child and part of our family. We love you very much and would never send you away or give you to another family.

Remember that when answering any adoption-related questions, be honest, use a loving tone, give them your full attention, and only say what you feel is necessary for their age. Adoption can be a tricky subject for some depending on the age of the child, but a loving approach will help answer all their questions and put their minds at ease.

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